Tuesday, October 20, 2015

Domestic Violence-A little bit of my story and books you need to read

Good Morning dear readers,  we are going to talk a bit about National Domestic Violence Awareness month.  If someone had told me when I was growing up that I would be in a Domestic Violence situation I would have told them they were crazy.  Not knowing that I was already in a abusive situation.  I came from an abusive--verbally and emotionally abusive family.  This is actually one of the reasons I chose my husband because the behaviors were comfortable and familiar.  No one told us the warning signs when I was growing up.  Thank god they teach the warning signs now.  You can go into therapy after you've been in a relationship but it is never enough.  Therapist don't know everything,  I will give you an example my ex had this behavior the therapist didn't know where it was coming from its called the one upmanship game(found that out in the book the verbally abusive relationship).  I filed a restraining order.  He sent a private investigator after me.  Fun times dodging PI's in the back roads of Kentucky.  I filed for divorce.  He called the FBI and told them I kidnapped my kids.  Mind you I left him before their was a custody battle.  The FBI was going to come after me. I had to have my current attorney call them and explain the situation.  They were not thrilled with my ex-husband(they say abusers can talk any situation I believe it).  I've had strange people come to my attorneys office wanting information about me and my ex-my attorney told them to go hell.  Still don't know who they were.  Any ways be careful when your in any relationship.  I always tell women know yourself before and after an abusive relationship.  Like I said therapist don't know everything, so join a support group get the perspective from other women and read anything and everything you can get on relationships. These books tell you alot.  Here's a short list of my favourite books to help you avoid a situation or understand the behaviors if your in that situation.

1.  How to spot a dangerous man by Sandra l. brown-she talks about the personality types and how to avoid them.  Very informative and you can find it on amazon.

2.  Why does he do that by Lundy Bancroft- love this author gives so much information on the different personality types plus more resources in the back of the book-when I was teaching in college I would here the women flipping through this book exclaiming that's my boyfriend-scary.

3.  The Gift of Fear by Gavin De Becker-no this is not a relationship book but it teaches people to pay attention to their instincts sometimes that's all we have.

Sorry this as been a bit long.  You are your best defense read and learn to protect you and your family.

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